See our full Pastor's Resource Library  Browse >

My Pastor and I might be too close?

by Addison

Im a 21 year old girl. My church is run by the most wonderful husband and wife team of Pastors Ronald and Anna. They got married late in life and have no kids of their own even though they tried. I was abused and longing for love. they have steped up and become like 2nd parents to me. I do counselling with Anna too. Trying to get over some really bad things from my past. She is so wonderful. and so determined to help me. She wants me healed from everything. but part of what i have is Borderline personality disorder and i am VERY attached to her. I HATE being away from her, i look forward to being with her constantly. We have a very special bond (we've both been through some horrible things and can talk to eachother about things other people wouldent get) and i know i am like a daughter to her. but in reality, im not her daughter. i wish i could live with them. I love them both SOO much, but i am afraid i am too attached to Anna and i don't know what to do. She is always saying how she has to protect her annointing and can't be my "friend" but still finds ways to spend time with me, and hold me when i cry or am scared or anxious, and does things like hold my hands or walk with her arms around me, or play with my hair, things that an aunt or mom would do. That kind of intiment female bonding.....and im just not sure if we are too close. I don't have a pastor/member relationship with her. its more like an older wiser friend or an aunt or mom kind of love i have for her. and she allows me to hold on to her and sit with her and stuff even when it may not be appropriate but in the moment i do not care because im upset or scared or anxious and just want to hug my Pastor Anna. Please tell me if this is a healthy relationship? i love her so much, i wish she could adopt me (i know im too old now) and i just love being with her (and pastor ronald).

Comments for My Pastor and I might be too close?

Click here to add your own comments

by: Anonymous

You are too old to consider be adoption legally. If you are missing a mother and/or father, you should speak to them about possibly being your spiritual parents. This is common. It's sometimes called God Parents. But, it sounds like you're becoming obsessed with her. As a Christian, remember to look to God and God ALONE for healing. Don't rely on people, put your trust in the Lord or else you may be disappointed. Regarding the other comment from "Speechless", how can you "date" your pastor for "a long time"? Shouldn't he be prepared to marry you by now? As a "long time hard core Christian woman", you should set some standards for youself. By, now you should probably be the "pastor's wife". If your relationship is open in the church as his "girlfriend", I am sure members shun it. On the other hand, if it's a secret relationship, then, you already know it's not acceptable.

by: Anonymous

I am a 29 yr old woman who is dating my 47 yr old pastor and I have been for a long time now. I used to think I was too close to him, however God showed me it was ok and to just be closer. However, I am a long time hard core Christian woman and what I say is if you are feeling this way you are too close and this is serious. If you are too old of a woman not a girl anymore you need to definitely pray about this and I will pray for and with you!

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Questions and Answers.

Was this page helpful? Add a link to your page or blog.

Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?

  1. Click on the HTML link code below.
  2. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.