Church jokes are good for a laugh and good for breaking the silence in a Sunday School class. You can use them in your pastor appreciation speech, roast, or to break the ice before a pastor search committee meeting.
If you have a good religious joke that I could share with other readers, please send it to me by using the form at the bottom of this page.
The Perfect Pastor
From what I’ve seen in many churches, this church joke is only a slight exaggeration!
The Perfect Pastor preaches exactly 10 minutes. He condemns sin roundly, but never hurts anyone's feelings. He works from 8 a.m. until midnight, and is also the church janitor.
The Perfect Pastor makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and donates $30 a week to the church. He is 29 years old and has 40 years' worth of experience. Above all, he is handsome.
The Perfect Pastor has a burning desire to work with teenagers, and he spends most of his time with the senior citizens. He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his church. He makes 15 home visits a day and is always in his office to be handy when needed.
The Perfect Pastor always has time for church meetings and all of its committees, never missing the meeting of any church organization. And he is always busy evangelizing the unchurched.
The Perfect Pastor is always in the next town over!
If your pastor does not measure up, simply send this notice to six other churches that are tired of their pastor too. Then bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of your list. If everyone cooperates, in one week you will receive 1, 643 pastors. One of them should be perfect.
Have faith in this letter. One church broke the chain and got its' old pastor back in less than three months.
What funny church jokes or stories do you have to tell? Every church has funny or odd stories to tell. What have you seen in your church? Tell us your story and I'll give it its own page here on the site. Read funny church stories and tell us your own.
Show and Tell
This church joke proves that kids do pay attention.
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.
The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."
The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."
The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Baptist, and this is a casserole."
I saw this church joke several years ago when I was visiting a church in the Midwest.
It is based on the verse, 1 Corinthians 15:51 which reads, "Behold, I tell you a mystery; we shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed."
This verse was printed on a sign and hanging on one of the doors in the hall with the Sunday school rooms. I didn't realize the significance of the verse until I noticed that the sign with the verse hung on the door leading to the nursery.
This church joke is all fun and games.
A man lay dying and he began to yell out, "I need a priest, I need a priest!"
Another man came along and asked what was wrong.
The dying man said, "I need a priest to give me last rites, I'm dying," the man said.
"There are no priests around here, but maybe I can help." I'm not a religious person myself, but I have lived next to the Catholic Church my whole life and I hear their ritual all the time. I think that I can say it for you."
The dying man said, "Thank You."
So the helpful man leaned close to the dying man and in a soft voice repeated the ritual as he has heard it so many times:
"B-6, N-33, G-52, I-24, ... Bingo.”
The Tate Family
I’m not sure if this is a church joke or not?
How many members of the Tate family belong to your church?
There is old man Dic-Tate who wants to run everything, while Uncle Ro-Tate tries to change everything. There's sister Agi-Tate who stirs up plenty of trouble, with help from her husband, Irri-Tate. Whenever new projects are suggested, Hesi-Tate and his wife, Vege-Tate, want to wait until next year. Then there is Aunt Imi-Tate, who wants our church to be like all the others. Devas-Tate provides the voice of doom, while Poten-Tate wants to be a big shot. But not all members of the family are bad. Brother Facili-Tate is quite helpful in church matters. And a delightful, happy member of the family is Miss Felici-Tate. Cousins Cogi-Tate and Medi-Tate always think things over and lend helpful, steady hands. And of course there is the black sheep of the family, Ampu-Tate, who has completely cut himself off from the church. How about it - do you know anyone in the "Tate" family?
This is one of those church jokes that goes into the "oops" category.
Inscribed in stone over the great front doors of an old church being restored was:
“This is the Gate of Heaven.”
Just below it someone had placed a small cardboard sign that read:
“Use Other Entrance.”
Is this a church joke? I’m not sure.
The way we might sing some well-known hymns if we were being honest:
1. I Surrender Some
2. There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings
3. Fill My Spoon, Lord
4. Oh, How I Like Jesus
5. He’s Quite a Bit to Me
6. I Love to Talk About Telling the Story
7. Take My Life and Let Me Be
8. It is My Secret What God Can Do
9. There is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
10. Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
11. Just As I Pretend to Be
Hymns of the Lukewarm Church
Hymns can make for good church jokes.
1. A Comfy Mattress Is Our God
2. Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
3. Above Average is Thy Faithfulness
4. Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
5. All Hail the Influence of Jesus’ Name
6. My Hope is Built on Nothing Much
7. Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
8. My Faith Looks Around for Thee
9. Be Thou My Hobby
10. O God, Our Enabler in Ages Past
11. Blest Be the Tie That Doesn’t Cramp My Style
12. Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
13. He’s Quite a Bit to Me
14. Oh, How I Like Jesus
15. I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviors on Jesus
16. Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
17. I Surrender Some
18. Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
19. I’m Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
20. Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord is Come
21. Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus
22. Special, Special, Special
23. Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere Near Me
24. Stick Nearby, It’s Getting Dark Outside
25. Take My Life and Let Me Be
26. There is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
27. There Shall be Sprinkles of Blessings
28. What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
29. When Peace, Like a Trickle. . .
30. When the Saints Go Sneaking In
31. Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
32. God of Taste, and God of Stories
33. Lift Every Voice and Intellectualize